The one where Madison admits she's not perfect
First and foremost, my brain fog has been INSANE.
Next, I feel out of place on social media; it is super invasive and could feel more productive.
Third, and most importantly, I lost my motivation to share tidbits of my spiritual journey because I was figuring out where I had gotten in my faith.
I love Jesus, obvi. But, I began to feel that opening up my Bible was obligatory. I would catch myself losing focus and thinking about work or what I had on my to-do list. But being a Christian doesn't involve a checklist. We are not expected to be perfect or be slaves to God, and I hope someone else finds peace in this gift Jesus has given us!
I was not excited to start another semester of bible study. Our move placed us further from the church. Wednesdays require leaving after work to sit in traffic and put on a friendly smile for the women I adore, but sometimes work depletes my social battery. Initially, I felt like a hypocrite. They have a perfect balance, where everything in their lives is figured out. I quickly realized that we are all searching for answers to achieve stability and peace in our lives - emotionally, mentally, physically, financially, and spiritually.
We only have two studies left, and I am thankful for the conversations I've had over the last few weeks. God is always on time, no matter how much I may or may not be in my Bible or heavily involved in church. I love that being a Christian requires you to be honest and genuine about these internal struggles. I felt so guilty that the things I used to look forward to, that gave me life, had almost become chore-like. And as I sat in attendance with the slight shame of how far I had strayed, I found myself surrounded by women struggling with similar issues in their relationships with God.
I'm still a Jesus freak, and I pray I'll always be on fire for our man. So, I want to share some things we've touched on in our study that might breathe life into someone else who may be struggling.
"If you want to fall in love with Jesus, find him in the word" (Relevant scripture: John 1:1-3, John 6:63, Isaiah 55:11). Read your Bible BUT do it to understand the gospel and connect with Jesus, not out of duty or to use a verse for your advantage. Jesus paid our debts. We are loved, not indebted! With that being said, knowledge is beneficial with the right intentions. Spending time with God out of love and wanting to become more familiar with His character causes us to encounter an incredible transformation.
A question arose that made me consider how I was living. "Are our thoughts driven by emotional reactions from our past choices, present choices, or by our knowledge of God's word?" Yikes. As someone who is now undoing some emotional weirdness they enacted as a defense mechanism - I heard this one loud and clear! "It is for freedom that Christ has set us free" (Galatians 5:1).
What we give the most attention to will become the most influential. "'Everything is permissible for me,' but not everything is beneficial. 'Everything is permissible for me, but I will not be mastered by anything" (1 Corinthians 6:12).
Forgiveness is not minimizing the offense, forgetting what happened, or giving the offender(s) a second chance. It is choosing to release the hold that the violation has over you. Forgiveness also does not require the presence of both parties. Forgiveness can occur on our own! "Make allowance for each other's faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others" (Colossians 3:13).
"The words we speak are a spiritual gauge, showing how much of our soul we have surrendered to God" AMEN! Luke 6:45 says, "A good person produces good out of the good stored up in his heart. An evil person produces evil out of the evil stored up in his heart, for his mouth speaks from the overflow of his heart". Interestingly enough, a woman at work said the absolute sweetest things to me at the time of this lesson. It was a rough day, and she was living proof of the message I was about to read over that night for bible study. Speak with intention. Speak life into others. If you want to evaluate the power of your words, imagine that the well-being of others was based on your attitude - what would their current condition be?
"God's will is whatever," you're probably reading this like, huh? When I first heard it, I also did a double-take. God's will is whatever you are doing. God's will is whatever your current situation is. God's will can be wherever, whenever, and in whatever condition.
An incredible woman spoke a unique word over us recently. She said, "The Word of God is alive and active. It is always fresh. It is indestructible. It is a discerner of hearts. It produces growth because it is a seed that awakens life. You can never exhaust it." Simple, yet accurate and oh so powerful!
Christianity is not always pleasant and politically correct. We must confront things that are not from God. That said, love people and hate the schemes of the devil.
Thank you for letting me share some touching messages I have recently encountered. For whoever reads this, go to that small group, even if you don't feel like talking. Open up your Bible even if you are intimidated by the 66 books of love and life that God wants to pour into you. Please don't feel ashamed when you are not the ideal version of a Christian, as we imagine we need to be. If we could be perfect, we wouldn't need a Savior! And I don't know about y'all, but I need Jesus even on my best days! Worship looks different for everyone, so remain aware of where your heart is leading you and what influences it.
Gratitude List:
long-awaited packages
friends in unexpected places
career opportunities
living room pallets & kind of ridiculous TLC shows
rearranging and deep cleaning
God's faithfulness
watching Barry turn a passion into a career through the love and support of people all across the world
cold fronts & rainy days
finding new Christmas decor
family get-togethers/hosting parties in our home
ending the night laughing on TikTok with Barry, Winnie, Barkley, and Miss Kitty
Starbucks releasing Christmas flavors
compliments from strangers
