Community, Friendship, and Faith.
No one dives into how important it is for human beings to communicate. As in, honestly communicate and bond over our words. Be open and vulnerable about the heaviness, weaknesses, and faults we all endure.
An example that sticks out to me from scripture is the story of David and Jonathan in the first book of Samuel.
"When David had finished speaking with Saul, Jonathan was bound to David in close friendship, and loved him as much as he loved himself" (1 Samuel 18:1).
This verse can also be translated to "the life of Jonathan was bound to David," all because of the power of intentional friendship. It is tough to experience this binding as we attempt to take friends along for new chapters or begin new friendships after living an entire lifetime. Friends can be the saving grace of a troubled faith. Our environments can tear us down or build us up, and the people we cross paths with can alter the trajectory of our lives.
The company we keep matters. We uplift, empower, and inspire one another. We showcase the love God calls us to share among his creation. Most importantly, we lead one another back to the cross when we can't reach it alone.
I have witnessed these moments through a Bible Study group of women who gather to confess their sins, struggles, and desire to be closer to Jesus.
Week after week, we meet and speak words of the Spirit to lift one another up. After reading the content for one of the sessions, I returned to my group. I opened up, sharing areas of life that are painful for me and potentially poison my relationships. It is freeing to sit around insightful women that care about what I have to share, making me feel as if I am safe to let my words flow. Sometimes, it is utter and complete word vomit. But this spiritual therapy is so necessary for my soul. What I share is crucial to connecting with my group and healing from previous wounds. I don't have to apologize or feel guilty for speaking about paint points; this form of community is for supporting one another in this way.
I used to struggle to let my guard down and allow relationships to flourish. It has taken an extreme detangling of learning, unlearning, and re-learning how to nurture quality relationships. I never thought my trials were significant enough to impact my emotional development as an adult. Some days, I still convince myself I can carry the world's weight without help from anyone. Everyone has something going on anyways, right? I never let anyone into the extent of my personal life. As an adult, accountable for my actions and behaviors, I strive to be the company I want to keep because of these unknown factors. Who is aware of the full extent of what their neighbor is facing? What are you carrying that no one knows about?
I have struck the beginning of my freedom. My brain went into flight mode as I worked to mask any instability and pain I had ever experienced. For a long time, I was ashamed and embarrassed. I thought I could never let anyone into the ongoings of my surroundings. This was how I controlled my environment. To set boundaries, I over-protected myself. I preferred to smile and laugh so people would see me as another girl, wandering obliviously throughout life with little to complain about. It's ironic how the most secure people are the ones who might be cracking in private!
My point is we never know what is occurring in the lives of others.
I feared rejection. I was a sponge to shame. I was angry and resentful. I became cold-hearted. I worried that my friends wouldn't understand. I refused to let people into my issues to avoid them being used as ammunition later. Because of these things, I find myself internalizing and, thus, over-compensating in relationships to subconsciously ensure I am not losing whoever I am friending. I people-please. I carry the weight of others' problems as if they are my own; maybe to tell myself if they are healed and happy, I must be too. I struggle to allow people to help me carry the growing weight of my problems. Then, I'm left feeling drained, taken advantage of, and empty.
Relationships are complex. Allowing yourself to love and receive love may be challenging. However, we shouldn't deny ourselves healthy affinities because of our fear of failure.
Some biblical truths and tips I've gathered regarding relationships:
Do everything in love, love all (1 Corinthians 16:14, John 15:17). No one has regretted being kind, compassionate, and understanding to others. Share love, receive love.
Community and relationships are spiritually significant. We were never meant to be alone. Jesus healed a paralyzed man because of the faith of this man's friends! (Mark 2: 3-12) Would your friends aid in your healing?
Hebrews 10:24-25 says, "And let us watch out for one another to provoke love and good works, not neglecting to gather together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging each other."
Ecclesiastes 4:10 also speaks on the importance of company, "For if either falls, his companion can lift him up; but pity the one who falls without another to lift him up."
Setting boundaries is acceptable for spiritual health but should not be worn as a permanent defense mechanism when initiating new relationships. No one is entitled to you, especially if they pull you away from the dutifulness of your faith that you are striving for. We have been encouraged to immerse ourselves in good company!
"Do not be deceived, 'bad company corrupts good morals.' Sober up and stop sinning; for some people are ignorant about God" (1 Corinthians 15:33-34).
Connect, share, listen, and communicate.
"Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, so that you may be healed" (James 5:16).
Understand that just because you have communication skills or emotional intelligence does not mean others will have the same approach and mindset when managing relationships or conflicts. However, it is not justified for hurt people to hurt other people!
"Be at peace among yourselves. And we exhort you, brothers and sisters: warn those who are undisciplined, comfort the discouraged, help the weak, be patient with everyone" (1 Thessalonians 5:13-14).
Sometimes, friends come and go with the seasons. Who you begin a relationship with is bound to change as we are each exposed to more life. Relationships should evolve and improve like everything else when given time and practice. Don't force connections past what God has allotted for us. There is a time and reason for everything in life.
Don't be discouraged from becoming friends with someone with different ideas. Jesus sat and dined with tax collectors! Frankly, I keep my interaction with the IRS short and sweet! But who are we to enact such attitudes about who is worthy enough to mingle with? We are not called to divide and conquer.
Make amends and do not hold grudges for past grievances. It is unlikely that those who act negligently with our feelings don't experience remorse or even carry the same mindset they once did in these weak moments.
1 Peter 3:8-9 says, "Finally, all of you be like-minded and sympathetic, love one another, and be compassionate and courteous, not paying back evil for evil or insult for insult, but on the contrary, giving a blessing, since you were called for this."
"People that are not authentic do not make good messengers" (Platt, 2023). How can we create genuine connections and lead people to Jesus when we refuse to face our authentic selves? God designed us with our future already in mind, and we were created to fulfill these purposes while on Earth.
We are searching for everything that is God and our Savior; a loyal friend, a doting Father, security, peace, unconditional love, provision, etc. Nothing can separate us from this divine love (Romans 8:38-39).
My relationship with Jesus has been my saving grace, as he meant it to be. I increasingly feel called to fulfill the purpose of being an unparalleled friend. Unfortunately, I stumble at times; but I am fascinated with pursuing love throughout my varying relationships. Being a light in someone else's darkness is a feature God gave to all of his children. I hope to be used by our Lord in this generation to help lead others to our ultimate Healer.
Things I am recently grateful for:
New books. My shelves now hold more books I am waiting to read than I have read...
Growing our family (with Winnie and Barkley's siblings). The puppy stage is cute but exhausting.
Enlightening podcasts and "Aha!" moments
Prayer time before bed with my husband
Making new friends/hanging out with new faces
Morning workouts
Fresh tans (when the weather permits)
Fresh mani/pedis
My husband's love for our Lord and yearning to be familiar with the Word
A growing faith amid potential waiting seasons. God is actively answering prayers.
References
Myers, R., & Williams, A. (2017). She Reads Truth Bible: Christian Standard. Holman Bible Publishers.
Platt, D. (2023, February 15). What Do People Need Most in Our Love for Them? Whoa, That's Good Podcast.
